Members Share

For More than 50 Years, Al-Anon Family Groups have been Helping Friends and Family Members Affected by Someone's Drinking

Members Share Their Experience Strength and Hope

About the sharings

What is The Forum?

The Forum is the The cover of The Forum international monthly magazine published by the Al-Anon and Alateen World Service Office, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., in which Al-Anon and Alateen members share their experiences. It is the Voice of the Fellowship -- a forum where individual members and groups can be heard.

*Articles are reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.

Current articles

Who wrote these articles

Alateen and Al-Anon members from around the world wrote these articles and submitted them to The Forum, the monthly magazine published by the Al-Anon & Alateen World Service Office.

How often will new articles be posted?

New articles will be posted to the Central Ohio web at least every three months. Is it hard to wait for more? Visit a meeting in your area (most meetings have copies of The Forum to share) or contact the Al-Anon & Alateen World Service Office for subscription or on-line articles.

Son copes with stepfather's disease*

I am 15 and the son of an alcoholic. I am an Alateen member. The alcoholic is my stepfather and he has been my father since one month after my birth.

His drinking has caused quite a bit of grief in our family. All of my dad's drinking got my mother squirreled up and my brothers, sister, and I were having trouble at school and at home.

For the first 11 years of my life, we lived in East Los Angeles in a housing project. The first 14 years of my life, I sided with my mother against my dad, but after a while I started feeling sorry for my father.

All during that time, I didn't know a thing about Al-Anon. My dad had been in A.A. off and on for two years. All that time, we were going into debt and I was building up resentments.

My mother got us to go to our first Alateen meeting. From then on, I went regularly. To be truthful, I have not been working my Alateen program to the best of my ability, but I do think I have progressed.

My father and I get along better. My mother and I can fight and argue and when we're done, we make up. I am so glad that I found Alateen.

2. Tearing down walls to let recovery in*

Looking back on my life, I discovered that I have built many bridges without realizing it, some of which were not wise. I have also built many walls. During the active drinking days, I built a wall around myself and no bridge could reach me. I was trying to search for a better life, but I could not let the walls down long enough to let a bridge from the outside connect with my inside.

Finally the wall crumbled; I could no longer keep it up with my resentments and anger. I reached out to the bridge that was waiting for me—the bridge to Al-Anon Family Groups. I crossed that bridge into a life that I never thought possible.

I had always had a relationship with a Higher Power, but it wasn’t until I came into Al-Anon that I realized it was not of the depth I wanted it to be. I started my quest for spirituality with the help I received in the meeting rooms and with my Sponsor. Through example, I was shown spirituality by the love, understanding, and support that not only my Sponsor gave me but that all the members of my group gave me. It had been passed on to them through the bridges that our early pioneers had built so many years ago.

Oh, how grateful I am that those bridges were built strong enough to last all these years and are strong enough to continue to be bridges into the future of Al-Anon world wide.

Through my years in Al-Anon I have had many occasions where I have had to reach out and search again to strengthen my spiritual life. When I came into Al-Anon I was naive enough to think that all my problems would be over. How wrong I was. There have been many occasions when all I have had to hang onto was my belief that my Higher Power would get me through.

Each new pain not only strengthened my spiritual life but also made me aware that I must always strive to continue my search for an even deeper relationship with my Higher Power. I know that by continuing to work this program, I will continue to strengthen and energize my spiritual quest.

3. I tried Al-Anon as a last resort*

My father was drunk most of the time. He was a very abusive man, physically and mentally. My mother didn’t drink a lot, but she took her frustrations out on me.

I was always in trouble for something. The rules in our home changed every day—sometimes many times a day. Consequently, I was always in trouble for something. I would get a beating from Mom and then a worse one later from Dad.

I learned very young that I was dumb, unimportant, and responsible for everyone and everything. I was supposed to do what I was told without asking questions. It was unsafe to express my emotions. To forget any of these could be fatal; Dad tried to kill me a few times.

I survived childhood and took what I knew into my adult life. I chose friends and partners who treated me the same way I was treated in my family. It was normal for me. Needless to say, none of the relationships lasted, and I blamed myself for all of it.

I had been living with a woman for almost 20 years when I ended the relationship. Life with her was good at first. Then things started to get crazy and just kept getting crazier. She had threatened to shoot me a couple of times. I finally found the courage to tell her I did not want to be with her anymore.

I was on my own and my life was still crazy. I was so guilt-ridden I didn’t want to live anymore. I was about to take my own life when I remembered something I had heard about Al-Anon and how it could help. I thought I could call them and see what they had to say. If I didn’t like it I could always come back out and finish what I was going to do.

I went in the house, found the number, and made the phone call. I got an answering machine—someone would call me back as soon as possible.

I waited ten days until that call came. I didn’t go out to my shed because I was afraid of what I might do. After all, the rope was still there and ready to use.

Finally, someone called me. He said there was a meeting that night and that if I wanted, he would take me there. I said I would go. I just sat there at the meeting, scared as hell. I listened as each person shared my family secrets. I didn’t know how they knew; they just did. I knew I belonged. I kept coming back.

I didn’t share; I just sat there for the next six months. I still couldn’t believe how they knew my secrets, but it made me feel better to know that I was not alone anymore—that other people felt the same way I did. Eventually I started to talk a little bit. I was growing in the program.

I started to take more interest in the group—setting up, making coffee, chairing meetings, and so on. I needed more, so I started going to another meeting and getting involved. The district wanted to start an Alateen group and needed Sponsors. I knew right away that I wanted to do it. I knew what it would have done for me if I could have had help as a teenager, so I became an Alateen Sponsor.

A few months later, my group asked if I would take the position of Group Representative. I didn’t think I was good enough for the job, but the members assured me that I was and that they would help me. I took on the job, started attending district meetings, got involved with the Regional Service Seminar Committee, and attended my first Assembly. It was totally awesome.

At my second Assembly, the job of newsletter editor was open. Thanks to the encouragement of my Higher Power and a few wonderful Al-Anon members, I took on the job.

Life has been tough since coming to Al-Anon, but I would never trade it for the life I had before. I have a Higher Power who loves and guides me, true friends who care about me, and a wonderful program to live by. I have peace, serenity, and sanity within myself today. What more can I ask for?

4. ‘Insanity’ versus ‘in sanity’—making space for serenity*

I had an enlightening moment when I was taking my morning bath. I was thinking about Steps One and Two, the insanity of my life before the Al-Anon program, and my choice to want to live my life in sanity. Then these two terms popped up clearly in my mind: “insanity” versus “in sanity.”

What’s the difference in these words? They have the same number of letters–but the difference in emphasis changes the whole meaning…

And then I got it—there’s a space between them! For me that space—in relation to living with the effects of alcoholism—signifies the Al-Anon program and my recovery. It means:

Taking a step back to give myself space to breathe before deciding what action to take Holding myself back from saying potentially damaging words to my husband when I feel resentful, angry, or hurt about his actions when he’s drinking Detaching with love when my husband is actively drinking Giving myself and my husband the space we both need to work our programs, without interfering I now know that my recovery is all about that small space—that breath or that pause—that allows me to detach. “Insanity” or “in sanity”? I know which way I will be living my life!